My first relationship was when I was 14 -- innocent and really immature. But this guy molded me into someone better -- or worse -- but let's think about the positive things. He played a huge role in my puberty. HA. And by that I meant 'growing up' years. I am not that old coz I'm just 18, but I became mature enough because of him.
Other ex-couples look at each other as mistakes in life, but I look at mine as a 'teacher' or a friend or someone who taught me a lot of things. And I will never regret having him in my life coz he's one of the best people I knew (though what he did was painful, I moved on from it and look at is a an experience.) He may not think of me as a good memory, but I think of him as one. I don't care. :)
I knew that I moved on when I saw an old picture of us. I looked so happy. And I smiled to myself as I looked at the very young me wearing a white dress on our senior prom. What I did not understand, was I was confused. I cannot recall the feeling I had that night, that moment, or for that boy. I tried to think about things that could give me butterflies in my stomach or would determine what I felt at that moment. I tried my best, but I couldn't; I couldn't rewind my feelings back to when he was still mine -- back to when I was *helplessly in love with him.
I stared at it for quite a moment, trying to remember that feeling of overdose love, that did not make me think about leaving him first. Coz as far as I can remember, I would tend to tell myself everytime I look at him, that there's no way I can ever leave this boy because I love him too much. I tried to turn back to the chapter where there was still this magic, but the memory of the magic was there, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't recall the feelings or how those fireworks felt every time he kisses me. That moment, I knew, I had moved on.
I learned that, just like love, moving on just happens. You don't tell your heart to stop loving, nor you don't do things so you wouldn't love someone anymore. It just happens. Then BOOM! you'll just know you don't have those sparkling foolish feelings anymore. Though to the guy you loved the most (so far.)
This time, I'm turning over the pen of my (cliche) love life, to God. Let Him write whatever He wants, coz I will stop looking for the boy. God will make a way. :)
BTW, for that boy of mine, thank you. You deserve someone better, and I don't settle for second best. ANYMORE. ;)